sob.....

bukan diri mu sorang saje yang ade perasaan...aku juga.....maafkan aku jika pikiran ku melayang buat seketika....namun pikiran ku melayang memikirkan perkara yg aru saja kita perbualkan....malah ape yg dirimu katakn, aku dgr....cuma lambat respond je.tu pun jadi satu pertengkaran.......hingga menitis air mata ku.....
dirimu rasa sakit ati...berbual seolah2 dgn tembok...hanya kerna pikiran ku melayang...uat 2 kali saja.....dirmu kata aku kurang ajar padamu..OUCH!!!!..sungguh kecik ati aku dgr...tk pernah pun aku ingin berkurang ajar pada dirimu........
abis?bila dirimu yg diam uat bodoh bila ku berbual..atau bertanya.......kirekan tu ok lah?kirekan aku juga tak punyai perasaan..da byk kali berlaku..namun tk pernah aku endahkan....aku terus cube pujok agi adelah.....
biler pujok.....alangkah sedih nya ati bile dirimu menjawab dgn sindiran pedas...nada yg mcm malas nak layan.....bagi dirimu...."at least jawab"...namun aku ingin katakan....kalau nak jwb mcm gitu, ada relanya jgn jwb...tkla kecik ati ni mendgr.....pujok2 cukop time kene sacarstic....
sepatotnya..hari ni hari paling gembira bagi ku kerna terima berita baik.....ingin sgt ku berkongi kegembiraan ku..namun.......air mata kesedihan yg aku titiskan.......
tiap kali dirimu mejawab ku dgn nada yg keras.....kata2 yg menyakitkn ati....aku hanya dpt diam saja...kalau jwb nnt jadi la pergaduhan agi......tau tak dirimu...betapa perit nya aku terpaksa telan segala kata2 kasar dan sindiran pedas yg dirimu luahkan.,,,,
aku tau dirimu penat..mungkin sebab tu dirimu grumpy...but tau tak dirimu....bahawa aku juga penat bekerja..kita sama2 bekerja......
dirimu alik, teros boleh lepak...aku?kene cuci aju...den now nak kene revise...siapkan brg untk tis weekend..untk interview.....
sigh................................................
maafkan aku jika pikiran ku melayang uat seketika...aku hanya pikirkn bagaimana untk menbawak smuer brg2 ku tanpa menyusahkan dirimu...namun.....itu pun aku kene marah....itu pun jadi perkara besar sampai dirimu bingit....aku pun tk phm ape yg nak di bingitkn pun.....bknnye dirimu tk pernah diam bile aku bertanya....malah kalau dirimu tgh mara...ade kala nya bile ku bertanya....dirimu uat tk dgr je..diam je...lau tak pun...hmmm...ntah....tak....ye....tak tau.....
cube kalau aku yg menjawab gitu kat dirimu.....confem jap agi dirimu melenting...ngamok....n bingit.....namun.....bile terjadi pada diriku....aku hanya mampu diam...n telan je.......sakit ati ke kecik ati ke....cume bole diam je,.....lau jwb...comfem jadi gadoh besar..
sigh....aku sedih yg amat sgt....kegembiraan yg ingin di kongsi dgn yg tersayang....akhirnya menjadi titisan air mata yg sedih.......nampaknya aku hanya mampu pendam kegembiraan ku sendiri...tanpa sesiapa pun untk aku berkongsi....sigh......
ya allah..hanya kau saja lah yg tahu bertapa aku bersyukur dan gembira dgn pemberian rezekimu padaku....dan hanya kau saja lah yang tau bertapa sedih dan hancurnya hati ini pada saat dan ketika ini......

syg...ingin ku memohon maaf atas kesilapan ku.....tk pernah aku berniat untk berkurang ajar padamu.....namun itu lah yg dirimu luahkn....baiklah..ku terima..maafkn ku kerna mejadi tunang  yg kurang ajar....
syg....aku amat sygpada dirimu...tk pernah terlintas untk ku sengaja tk mejawab mu...tk pernah terlintas untk ku berkrang ajar padamu....
hati mu sakit.....hati mu bingit.....aku pujuk.....
namun aku juga punyai persaan....
ati  ku sedih............hanya mampu simpan sendiri pada saat ini.....hanya mampu memujuknya sendiri.............

i never intended..

i never intended....
                     do u really think i really wanted us to fight?i am well aware that i made a promise to u..i am well aware of where i stand...its just merely accepting a fren...of whom already know tat im engaged to u!!!!
all i ask for is for u to be open minded...i noe ure the kind whom would be loyal n throws away everyone else for the sake of the person u love...but hey..i never wanted u to throw away your life....i accepted your life...im suppose to adapt to ur life..the bad, throw away..the good ones keep...
if a female classmate added u..i wundt mind if u accept her on ur fb and tell me abt it...as long as you know what is right n wad is wrong...my frens...be it male or female would noe abt u...ure my tunang...
sigh...
it hurts to hear u say u give up...im jus a stupid human being who always makes mistakes....just like u..there are times wen we are unaware of wad we do or say that may hurt the other party.....the oni difference is that wen im hurt by u...i wud rather just keep quiet....cos if i were to voice out..we might end up argueing...so i mite as well swallow it myself....though it hurts me sooo much....n wen ure hurt by me or wen i made a mistake to u...u made sure i feel super terribly soory for wad ive done...
all the words...."typical".."flirt"...WTF"..OUCH..IT HURTS..it hurts terribly deep cos it actually comes frm the man i love...there are times wen im truly upset n angry at u...bt depsite that i nvr forget my respect to u....hence these harsh wrds nvr came to my mind to let it out to u...
y...y do keep saying ure a nobody to me..wen ure the person that matters the most to me....did u noe that swallowing it all dwn by myself is terribly painful...there are times wen i really cudnt tak it dwn anymore..that i resort to physical pain to relieve it?
im sorry...tat im not perfect..im sory tat ive not been the best fiancee that u hope for...im jus a "typical" n a "flirt"..
yes i do look in the mirror...n i see...a girl..who has made so many mistakes...n doesnt deserve any respect frm her fiance at all..and a girl..who cant tell her heart out no matter hw she tries...
my dearest tunang....
            i may not be the best..i may not be the perfect one...n i may not be good enuf for u..but wateva it is....i tetap syg u dgn seikhlas ati i....tk pernah i berniat untk menyakiti awk...namun kenape i tetap uat?i sendiri tkde jawapan....mungkin atas kebodohan i sendiri....im sorry if u jelak dgn my sorry...im sorry if in ur eyes....im not sincere in asking for forgiveness...its ok if u wun give it at all...its better than u saying "ya i forgive you for any reason u have"...


in my life...ure the best gift allah has given me...i have no mom to turn to...and i always turn to u...but i guess wen we're on bad terms..im still back on my own.....
"oh ila...look at urself...ure so pathetic...so stupid..." it really feels like my heart is being torn into pieces...
u gave up..n u jelak...with me...but i never did....no matter how big ur mistake to me may be..no matter hw deeply hurt i am to u...i will nvr tot of giving up...