Sunday 24 July 2011

i never intended..

i never intended....
                     do u really think i really wanted us to fight?i am well aware that i made a promise to u..i am well aware of where i stand...its just merely accepting a fren...of whom already know tat im engaged to u!!!!
all i ask for is for u to be open minded...i noe ure the kind whom would be loyal n throws away everyone else for the sake of the person u love...but hey..i never wanted u to throw away your life....i accepted your life...im suppose to adapt to ur life..the bad, throw away..the good ones keep...
if a female classmate added u..i wundt mind if u accept her on ur fb and tell me abt it...as long as you know what is right n wad is wrong...my frens...be it male or female would noe abt u...ure my tunang...
sigh...
it hurts to hear u say u give up...im jus a stupid human being who always makes mistakes....just like u..there are times wen we are unaware of wad we do or say that may hurt the other party.....the oni difference is that wen im hurt by u...i wud rather just keep quiet....cos if i were to voice out..we might end up argueing...so i mite as well swallow it myself....though it hurts me sooo much....n wen ure hurt by me or wen i made a mistake to u...u made sure i feel super terribly soory for wad ive done...
all the words...."typical".."flirt"...WTF"..OUCH..IT HURTS..it hurts terribly deep cos it actually comes frm the man i love...there are times wen im truly upset n angry at u...bt depsite that i nvr forget my respect to u....hence these harsh wrds nvr came to my mind to let it out to u...
y...y do keep saying ure a nobody to me..wen ure the person that matters the most to me....did u noe that swallowing it all dwn by myself is terribly painful...there are times wen i really cudnt tak it dwn anymore..that i resort to physical pain to relieve it?
im sorry...tat im not perfect..im sory tat ive not been the best fiancee that u hope for...im jus a "typical" n a "flirt"..
yes i do look in the mirror...n i see...a girl..who has made so many mistakes...n doesnt deserve any respect frm her fiance at all..and a girl..who cant tell her heart out no matter hw she tries...
my dearest tunang....
            i may not be the best..i may not be the perfect one...n i may not be good enuf for u..but wateva it is....i tetap syg u dgn seikhlas ati i....tk pernah i berniat untk menyakiti awk...namun kenape i tetap uat?i sendiri tkde jawapan....mungkin atas kebodohan i sendiri....im sorry if u jelak dgn my sorry...im sorry if in ur eyes....im not sincere in asking for forgiveness...its ok if u wun give it at all...its better than u saying "ya i forgive you for any reason u have"...


in my life...ure the best gift allah has given me...i have no mom to turn to...and i always turn to u...but i guess wen we're on bad terms..im still back on my own.....
"oh ila...look at urself...ure so pathetic...so stupid..." it really feels like my heart is being torn into pieces...
u gave up..n u jelak...with me...but i never did....no matter how big ur mistake to me may be..no matter hw deeply hurt i am to u...i will nvr tot of giving up...